As I nervously anticipate my upcoming birthday, it’s apparent that God had been writing me a longer and more difficult journey towards motherhood than expected. I thought by now I’d already have a little 'J' or 'K' added to my family.
So many times I have questioned His purpose in all of this. Was I in need of being broken? Was I being punished so that I could recognize my own sin? Is He revealing this to me because He doesn't think I should be a mother?
And the questions continued even after a failed first cycle of IVF, as the hope that had filled my heart was crushed in the instance of a phone call with unfavorable results.
Where is He taking me on this journey? What is He trying to show me?
I believe He is reaching out His hand to me and showing me that He is there. That in the midst of my greatest struggle, He is compassionate and hears every cry and sees every frown, and that He wants me to trust in Him alone.
And I believe He wants me to continue to use this heartbreaking journey to shine His light in sharing with others and being an encouragement to them. He is using it as my testimony, because without faith and hope, it wouldn’t be His purpose that I’m following.
This past Easter, I was struck by the beauty of the song 'Grace Flows Down': Amazing grace… how sweet the sound. Amazing love… now flowing down. From hands and feet… that were nailed to the tree. As grace flows down and covers me.
I believe with every tug at my heart and emotional high and low, that God is taking that pen and guiding my hand in a way that humbles me and brings me to my knees. You see, God has decided to change the instrument and the pace at which I am writing. With His embrace, I can find comfort that He is writing my story. His story is beautiful. And as I continue to wait, I’m excited to see what unfolds. Maybe He just wants to wait until I’ve come to terms with my husband wanting an 'M' name.
Author Website: Mewie Life