September 16, 2011

Letter To My Unconceived Children

“There are two types of loneliness. One is when you know who you are missing, and the other is when you don’t.”

You, my children, are the second type. I wrote that quote long before I knew how much I would miss you, how much I would long for you, how long I would wait for you.

I waited for your daddy. I waited to be healed. I waited through daddy’s sickness. I waited for his restoration.

I waited through all the diagnoses and in hospital rooms and waiting rooms and recovery rooms.

I waited patiently and I waited in impatience and frustration. I waited through doctor's words and internet explanations and forgotten dreams and lost hope.

I waited in fear and anger and confusion and lots and lots of tears.

Then I questioned what it was that I have spent my life waiting for. “Wait for the LORD. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the LORD,” Psalm 27:14 (NASB).

I am not told to wait for healing. And I am not told to wait for a baby. No, I am told to wait upon the Lord.

If I am to be strong in this waiting, if I am to find the courage that it will take, then I must wait on Him. As my hope is renewed, I am believing God to give you to me and daddy in His perfect timing.

I now wait in hope, in Him. I am so excited to meet you, to watch you grow, to be your mommy. Until then, know that I am waiting and I miss you already.


“CiCi” and her hubbins live in Colorado and are always looking for a new adventure. She has a passion for sharing her story to encourage others. She especially loves writing, taking pictures of life’s little joys, and borrowing other people’s kiddos as a nanny.