May 6, 2011

Mother's Day, Being a Mom after Infertility

I got myself ready for church, trying to be excited that for the first time I could celebrate this day as a mother. I had a difficult time feeling excited. I knew it was such a painful day for so many women who longed to be called "Mother" or "Mama" or "Mommy".

I knew today I would be seeing a friend of mine who was in the very depths of infertility. I ached for her. I knew it would be difficult for me to rejoice while my friend was hurting.

As I wondered what I could do for her, it hit me. Write her a quick note…

I took a moment to jot down that she was loved and cherished and thought of by me and by the Lord on this very day. It gave me so much joy to give her that note: to be able to think of her and not my state of motherhood.

I cringed going into worship and what awaited us, knowing that church can sometimes be the most painful place for the infertile heart. I sat next to my friend unable to enjoy the day to its fullest.

Some of you may be asking why, unable to understand. Why would I not want to celebrate?

Well, because I've been there. Because I've been that hurting soul, wanting to hide under the covers unable to face another day childless especially on this very day that celebrates what I couldn't have.

I wanted to hug and comfort my friend without making it worse for her. Instead, I prayed. I prayed for my friend and for the countless women I know that grieve silently and deeply on this day.

To my relief, the service focused on celebrating women in general. The message was not focused on mothers alone and each girl and woman walked out of church with a flower. My heart and step were a bit lighter and I was very thankful to the pastor for being mindful of hurting hearts.

Even though I've had a similar path as my friend it got me wondering. Are we always quick to lend a shoulder to cry on or try as we might to put ourselves in their shoes? Or do we pat their back and say some words that sound helpful to us, but only leave the person hurting more?

I challenge you during this time, even in the midst of joy and celebration of your mother, or being a mother to take a moment to think of those around you who may have lost a mother or those who so greatly desire to be a mother.

Can you be a shoulder to cry on or offer a silent hug to show you care? I promise you, it will make a difference.

So that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. 1 Corinthians 12:25-26 (NASB)
Tina and her family share a deep passion for Jesus. Currently residing in Madrid, Spain, their work in missions & communications have also taken them to Russia & the Czech Republic. Over a decade of globe-trotting suits her just fine: she loves to experience different cultures. Fueled by a healthy addiction to coffee, she loves blogging and educating others about infertility and loss.

Author Website: Life of A MissyMom