August 1, 2011

Follow Me

“I'm not a mom yet either, Amy, but I want to start getting prepared anyway and make some connections,” my sweet friend encouraged me. “I'd love it if you would come with me.”

I couldn't believe I was actually considering doing a mom's Bible study with my friend! She was waiting for her husband to be ready to start a family. Armed with the hope that we would soon become parents by adoption, and with the encouragement of my friend, I went to the Bible study with all the mommies I so longed to resemble.

The author of the Bible study told the tale of how two months after surrendering her desire for children to the Lord, asking that His will be revealed even if His will was that she would not ever be a mother, she conceived her first child and went on to have three daughters. Praise God!

I can just hear you, and I had the same reaction. "Oh, yeah. That's the way it ALWAYS happens. Surrender your desires and immediately receive them. Maybe I haven't really surrendered, then? I thought I had, but I'm still childless/single/depressed/fill in the blank." (Can I get an Amen?) I had to sincerely pray that God would allow me to see her beautiful story through His Godly eyes, and not my childless ones.

Although my flesh sarcastically cried out, "Must be nice," God's spirit calmly said, "Wait." Back to the study I went, week after week, and He delivered. Not in the form of a child during that study, but in the form of His peace, and of connection with many other women whose stories God penned. God does answer prayers in His perfect, faultless will and timing. Sometime His answer is “Trust me.”

In John 21:23, Jesus and Peter are discussing Jesus' plans for Peter's life. So Peter, and I have to say I am kind of like this impulsive guy, compares himself to John and wants to know what John's future will look like! Jesus says, "What is that to you? You must follow me." The comparison game is alluring as we look at what others have that we don't, but we are to follow Jesus and His plan for us, not his plan for Mama Jane.

A woman might experience infertility for a time, then surrender her desire to God, immediately to conceive and go on to have many children. That is her story. Another woman might sincerely surrender her desire to God and go on to experience infertility indefinitely after. That is her story. (Infertility is my difficulty of choice here, but you can fill in your own.) Because I was still waiting to become a mom, that did not allow me to discredit someone else's story or to ask God, "Lord, I don't like MY story. Can't I have hers? Even if I'm good?"

I wish I could say it was always easy, but God's word also says not to lie! It's not always easy, but it's always right. God's smart like that. When I look around at life's circumstances, what appears to be my story in my finite wisdom, I sometimes don't like how it plays out. When I look up and surrender to the Lord's will and provision, his infinite wisdom, I let Him write my story. He is after all the author and perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:2).
Amy is a lover of life, music, and yarn. She is passionate about open adoption. Amy tries not to take life too seriously - she once took a picture of herself wearing a tiara in the fertility doc's office - but she is serious about pointing others to the source of all comfort, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Author Website: Blessed by Adoption & Birth